Victim Impact Statement Example for Coercive Control

This is an example of a victim impact statement for coercive control. It is fictional. The name, the people, and the details are invented. It is written in one person's voice, to show how a statement like this can read when it comes from a real place.

Coercive control is hard to put into words, because it is rarely one event. It is a pattern that builds slowly, often out of sight. This example shows how that pattern can come through in its impact, which is what a court is there to hear, rather than a retelling of each thing that happened.

If you are writing your own, there is no single right way for it to sound. Yours should sound like you. For a step by step walkthrough, see our guide on how to write a victim impact statement. Or for a more specific help, we have also put together a guide on how to write a victim impact statement for coercive control. If you would like a hand putting yours together, Justice Draft's free guided questions take you through it one part at a time.

Victim Impact Statement Example for Coercive Control

How I felt at the time

At the time, I did not have a word for what was happening. I thought it was me. I thought that if I was calmer, or tidier, or quieter, things would be alright. I spent most of my energy trying to keep the peace. I was tired in a way that sleep did not fix. Most days I felt like I was bracing for something, even when nothing had happened yet.

Emotional wellbeing

I lost trust in my own mind. I would be told that I had said things I had not said, or that I was remembering something wrong, and after a while I stopped arguing because it was easier. I began to doubt small things, like whether I had locked the car, or what I had agreed to. I apologised constantly, often for nothing. I still catch myself doing it. I am seeing a counsellor now, and slowly I am learning that my version of things is allowed to be true.

Relationships

This is the part that is hardest to write. Over a few years, my world got very small. My friends were not welcome, so seeing them became more trouble than it was worth, and one by one they fell away. I stopped calling my sister because it was made difficult, and she did not understand why I had gone quiet on her.

We are talking again now. It is careful, and there is a lot we have not said, but last month she came over and we made dinner like we used to. I am trying to find my way back to the people who were pushed out of my life. Some of those friendships I do not think I will get back, and I am still sad about that.

Physical health

I did not sleep properly for a long time. I would lie awake listening for the mood of the house. I lost weight without meaning to, and I had headaches that I now know came from the stress. My body seemed to understand that something was wrong before I would let myself know it. Since I left, I am sleeping more, although I still wake at small sounds.

Financial impact

I had no money that was my own. Every dollar had to be explained. I would buy something small for myself and feel sick about it, as though I had done something wrong. There is debt in my name that I am still paying off. Opening my own bank account again was a bigger moment than it sounds. I am learning how to manage money on my own, and some weeks I get it wrong, but it is mine to get wrong now.

Daily life and routine

There were rules about a lot of things. What I wore, who I replied to, how long I took at the shops. I used to plan my day around not causing a problem. I would rehearse conversations before I had them. Now I can decide what to do with an afternoon without checking in with anyone, and I am still getting used to that. Sometimes I stand in the kitchen and cannot work out what I feel like eating, because for a long time it did not matter what I felt like.

Sense of safety

For a long time I did not feel safe in my own home, which is a strange thing to carry, because home is meant to be the safe place. I was always reading the room. I still do it without thinking, in shops, at work, and with people I have just met. I am jumpier than I used to be, and I am working on it. I feel safer now than I have in years, and I am holding onto that.

Spiritual and cultural wellbeing

I grew up going to church with my nan, and it was a big part of who I was. During those years I stopped going, partly because it was easier not to ask, and partly because I did not feel like myself there anymore. I went back a few months ago. I sat at the back and cried, and a woman I did not know sat down beside me and did not ask any questions. It reminded me that there are gentle people in the world. I am finding my way back to that part of my life too.

Who I was before this happened

Before this, I was someone who laughed easily and said yes to things. I liked having people over. I was not a pushover. I had opinions and I shared them. I lost a lot of that, and for a while I forgot it had ever been there. I am starting to recognise her again, in small ways. I made a joke at work last week and a few people laughed, and it felt like something coming back.

What I want the court or assessor to know

I am not the same person I was when this began, and I am not yet the person I am going to be. I am somewhere in between, still working out who I am without someone telling me. I do not have all of this figured out. Most days I am just trying, and some days that is enough. I wanted to write this down because for a long time I had no say in my own life, and this is me using my voice. That feels like a small thing and a big thing at the same time. Thank you for taking the time to read it.